


Queer as Chiss Folk

by VulptexFTW



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 03:29:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14011206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulptexFTW/pseuds/VulptexFTW
Summary: Parck's lady hunting stories? *evil smirk* Niriz is in for a surprise... aka (Not So) Respectable Corulag Citizen 2.0





	Queer as Chiss Folk

**Author's Note:**

> Regarding Legends/EU timeline: 
> 
> Thrawn’s rapid rise through the ranks became too noticeable, and he needed an excuse to be allowed to leave for the Unknown Regions permanently, with the nascent Empire of the Hand occupying more and more of his time, so eventually he came up with a plan of falling out of the Emperor’s favor, with Parck being demoted down to a commander to make it more believable.
> 
> In Zahn’s Crisis of Faith (8ABY), Parck is a senior captain again, which means Grand Admiral Thrawn must have promoted him into the rank of an admiral shortly before leaving for the rendezvous for Chimaera (I strongly doubt Parck would have promoted himself). Likewise, it remains unknown when exactly Stent joined the bandwagon, he isn’t mentioned until Crisis of Faith. 
> 
> In this story, I’m playing with the idea that Stent and his rogue Chiss warriors joined Admiral Thrawn shortly after Command Decision (which introduced Captain Niriz), and that the Empire of the Hand with Grand Admiral Thrawn as the official Head of State hadn’t been established until Emperor Palpatine’s death (it would have been treason otherwise). 
> 
> In Queer as Core Folk, Parck came out to Niriz because he already held the admiral’s rank and because he was the highest ranking person around (someone has to do the real work while Grand Admiral Thrawn is playing hide and seek with the Rebels), which gave him a sense of security as he could basically get away with anything. 
> 
> While even Legends!Thrawn got recalled back to the Galaxy from time to time (both officially and incognito), Parck is still a mere commander in Queer as Chiss Folk, which completely changes the power balance between Parck and Niriz. Frankly, I don’t think Parck would have ever come out under such circumstances unless someone (looking at the pale blue wonder) busted him out.

As Captain Niriz listened to another of Commander Parck’s lady hunting stories during his younger years, he couldn’t help but burst into laughter as usual. Oh dear, Parck always came up with the best stories.

Since they were cut off from long range communication and from the holonet as well, the two of them often sat down in the Captain’s Ready Room and discussed various topics together. From time to time, Parck even brought up stories of his youth, which never failed to make Niriz double over in laughter. Oh, Parck had been a menace!

Admiral Thrawn was missing so much by never joining them in the Captain’s Ready Room. Niriz would have bet his rank plates that the stories of Parck’s youth would make even the Chiss’s sabbac face crack, perhaps even bringing Admiral Thrawn to laugh out loud. Of course, Parck’s fabulous way of storytelling definitely added glamor to the tales, making them sound like episodes straight out of a holodrama series.

And since Admiral Thrawn never joined them, Niriz decided to test his little theory on the other Chiss around, Commander Stent, leader of the rogue warriors who had joined forces with Admiral Thrawn a few months ago.

Now, would Parck’s lady-hunting stories be enough to make that Chiss weaken and crack? Niriz would consider even a quiet chuckle under the breath as a success. Those aliens were just so stone cold all the time.

Admiral Thrawn temporarily transferred his flag to the ISD [ _Grey Wolf_ ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Grey_Wolf) , answering the summons of the Emperor, which meant the _Admonitor_ was down to Captain Niriz, Commander Parck, and Commander Stent. Now, who would have ever thought of that?

Niriz suppressed a shudder as he remembered the fateful day when they stumbled upon Commander Stent and his phalanx—or rather, when that renegade group pulled them out of hyperspace in the middle of an unnamed nebula, one of innumerable stellar nurseries, surrounded by highly explosive gases that could be easily ignited by their proton torpedoes, resulting in their immediate destruction.

Both Niriz and Parck had swallowed hard, fearing the worst. However, Admiral Thrawn kept his cool and calmly ordered that a message be broadcast on an open channel. He then spoke that message in an unfamiliar, tonal language that not even Parck understood at the time. Now, Parck had finally started making progress with that nightmarish language, but according to the leader of the renegade warriors, his pronunciation still left much to be desired.

No one knew what exactly followed then, for Admiral Thrawn went to meet their unknown assailant alone. When he finally returned, it was with another blue-skinned alien in tow.

And that was just the beginning. From that moment onward, they had to make room for several _hundred_ blue-skinned aliens, none of whom could speak Galactic Basic and all of whom looked down on them as if the Imperials were nothing but uncivilized beasts.

Soon after the freeloaders settled down, Admiral Thrawn called in all his senior officers, asking his men to give Commander Stent and his warriors more time to adjust to their new roles. He also asked that they leave them alone until the Chiss warriors were ready to accept humans as their brothers-in-arms.

Of course, they answered only to Admiral Thrawn, or Syndic Mitth’raw’nuruodo as they called him, and it was only thanks to the alien admiral that the ship hadn’t fallen apart.

Niriz didn’t even want to speculate what would have followed if Admiral Thrawn hadn’t been there to answer the call in the nebula and to act as a buffer between the overly proud Imperials and the overly proud Chiss warriors.

And now, _finally_ , coincidentally when Admiral Thrawn happened to be away (or because?), Commander Stent accepted their invitation to join them in the Captain’s Ready Room.

The Chiss remained silent most of the time, simply observing the two laughing humans, quietly sipping the offered Chandrilan brandy and reaching for a datapad from time to time to look up an unknown word in the Galactic Basic Learner’s Dictionary.

“Come on, Commander Stent,” Niriz addressed the Chiss warrior after Parck was finished the tale. “You didn’t find it funny? At all?”

The Chiss tilted his head to the side. “No,” he said simply. “No humor. Strange. Commander Parck see only at Chiss male warriors with interesting, none female. Many strange he saying stories of females.

Niriz’s smile froze on his lips. He threw a sideways glance at Commander Parck, who had grown completely still, his complexion turning ashen. The hand holding his glass was shaking ever so slightly.

_Eh?_

However, the Chiss continued, as if completely oblivious to the thermal detonator he had just detonated in the room.

“I not can understand. Chiss womans no attract? It is not Chiss alone, as Chiss mans attract.”

Niriz put his own glass to the side and crossed his arms, looking at Parck with a new pair of eyes. The other man’s complexion had changed again, his cheeks now becoming redder and redder.

“Commander Parck?”

The man jerked in surprise at the formal address, spilling Chandrilan brandy all over his uniform jacket and muttering an old Corulagi curse under his breath before he finally turned to face Niriz.

“I, ah,… Yes, sir?” Parck babbled, his eyes flicking down to the state of his uniform jacket.

“I not can understand,” Stent repeated in a baffled tone, the otherwise unreadable face clouding in confusion. “Chiss womans no attract?”

“I think it should be quite clear, Commander Stent,” Niriz said dryly, suppressing an urge to groan. The pale blue wonder would be the death him one day. And he definitely would be Parck’s death.

_Today._

“Isn’t it, Commander Parck?”

Parck flinched. “Yes, sir,” he said automatically, mechanically, the result of years of service in the Imperial Navy.

Finally, Parck let out a deep, resigned sigh. “It’s not that Chiss women aren’t attractive, Commander Stent. It’s simply that I’m not attracted to women, well ... in general, I am afraid.”

Niriz stroke his chin thoughtfully, watching the following scene unfold with disbelief. Like the rest of Parck’s stories, it’d make a good holodrama, he supposed. Almost as good as Parck’s beloved Wynssa Starflare’s holoseries.

The Chiss blinked. “Lie?” He realized, frowning. “How are you do reproduce? Mechanical, no. _Artificial_?”

_Commander Stent, aren’t you a pale blue wonder?_

Parck winced. “I...don’t.”

“You don’t?” The Chiss leaned in, now curious. “Many interesting. Same-sex usual among Chiss, but I not heared of no one like you. You sex only with men?”

Niriz cocked an eyebrow.

Well, well, well. Today was a day full of surprises, apparently. He leaned forward for the glass, taking a small sip of the brandy, savoring the taste. Oh, this would be a real blockbuster.

Parck groaned quietly. “Yes, Commander, I seek only men.”

The Chiss pursed his lips. “Many interesting. No Chiss like you. Normal among human?”

Parck cupped his face in his hands. “That depends how you define normal...”

Niriz decided to make Parck squirm a bit longer, a fitting punishment for pulling his leg for months, feeding him with lies and fabricated stories. Those women never existed, did they? Or perhaps they simply weren’t women.

“It varies from planet to planet,” Niriz casually joined the conversation. “On some planets, it’s considered normal. On others … not particularly. However, as far as the Imperial Military is concerned, according to Regulation 615-360, if a member of the Galactic Empire is found engaging in homosexual acts, he is subjected to a formal reprimand with the possibility of a dishonorable discharge, depending on the severity of the alleged offense. Homosexual conduct between Imperial citizens is regulated in accordance with local customs.”

Since Commander Stent was an alien, Niriz decided to add, “The term _member of the Galactic Empire_ refers to anyone who is currently in the service of the Galactic Empire, regardless of branch, rank or position. The term _Imperial citizen_ then refers to anyone who is not part of the Galactic Empire itself but resides in the territory of the Galactic Empire. Such people are subject to planetary laws unless they commit a crime in space, a crime against a member of the Galactic Empire, or a crime against the Empire itself.”

The glowing gaze shifted from Parck to Niriz.

“Many complication,” Stent commented after briefly contemplating the implications.

“I not knowed same-sex problem for humans. Later I asking Syndic Mitth’raw’nuruodo about Chiss warriors in _Admonitor_. We not are members of the Galactic Empire and not Imperial citizens. We are servants of Syndic Mitth’raw’nuruodo. No impressing on your human laws.”

 _Now that could make an interesting conversation,_ Niriz thought sarcastically. So, the blue-skinned aliens swing both ways? Like … all of them?

However, aloud he said only, “Commander Stent, if you would be so kind and leave us now? I believe that Commander Parck would prefer to have his formal reprimand in private.”

The Chiss blinked once again but complied, marching away with his chin high as if the ship belonged to him. Niriz gritted his teeth. The pale blue wonder would definitely be the death of him one day.

And now, back to the matter at hand.

“So, _Commander_ , am I speaking to the real Voss Parck or am I still speaking to a man who doesn’t exist?”

Parck lowered his eyes in shame, swallowing hard.

“The real one, sir,” Parck said in a tone reminding him of a convicted criminal confessing his crimes.

“To Sarlac’s pit with you, Voss,” Niriz cursed at the other man. “I thought we were friends! I can’t believe that all this time you have been lying through your teeth!”

After Parck had come to return Niriz’s resignation, explaining to him that Admiral Thrawn’s stunt in the Imperial Court was a deliberate move and that both Thrawn’s and Parck’s fall from the Emperor’s favor had been carefully planned, Parck and Niriz had shaken hands and had decided to drop rank in private.

If it wasn’t for the demotion, the two of them would have held the same rank, and at any rate, it was clear to Niriz that Admiral Thrawn was grooming Parck for a flag officer, or perhaps even for a military governor of the territories they had opened up in the Unknown Regions.

It wouldn’t take long before their respective positions would become reversed, with Captain Niriz answering most likely to Moff Parck, so it wouldn’t be in Niriz’s best interest if he pulled his rank over the disgraced captain even further.

This, on the other hand, was purely personal. He wouldn’t let Parck get away with this so easily.

“Captain Niriz… Dagon,” Parck begun awkwardly, tapping his fingers nervously against the table. “What do you want me to say? You quoted the regs, for Sith’s sake. I think it should be self-explanatory enough.”

Niriz snorted.

Now, while friendly relations between officers were tolerated, romantic entanglements disrupting the chain of command were not (not that there were women in command positions anyway); therefore, even if Parck was straight, he would still be down to the few women of the medical department and to the female scientists aboard.

And their new Chiss female colleagues.

Theoretically.

Mixing with near-human alien species was tolerated as long as no pregnancy occurred. Otherwise, the member of the Galactic Empire in question would be accused of inappropriate inter-species relations and would consequently be dishonorably discharged.

Mixing with non-human alien species was not permitted.

“No, it’s not. I may be borderline pedantic perhaps, always following regs to the letter, but I’m no COMPNOR. As far as the Galactic Empire is concerned, all of us have been dishonorably discharged to a middle of nowhere that has never seen a human being and where even the near-humans are scarce. Guess what happens on shore leave? I’m not about to start with witch hunts aboard the _Admonitor_. I couldn’t care less whether you’re into men, aliens, droids, or combination of all three. You didn’t have to stylize yourself into a ladies man around me, Voss. All you had to do was to remain silent. I wouldn’t have asked.”

Parck’s shoulders slumped, his head hanging low. “I’m sorry, Dagon, it’s just … when you’ve been doing it as long as I have, it becomes next to impossible to stop.”

“Unless someone busts you out.”

Parck winced. “Yes.” He pursed his lips. “Now, I admit that I am interested in how he figured it out. It’s not like I’ve been ogling them!”

Niriz snorted. “You can ask the pale blue wonder later. I’m sure it’ll be as enlightening as today’s input. Nine Hells, is it just his Basic, or do they really swing both ways?”

Parck shrugged. “I wouldn’t know.”

“So...”

Niriz took another sip from his brandy.

“Did those women ever exist, or were they simply all men?”

From Parck’s expression, it was clear that he wanted to take his leave, lock himself in his cabin, throw the uniform jacket in the laundry, curl into a fetal position on his bed, and pretend today’s conversation never took place.

“Most of them never existed. A few were men.”

Niriz scowled. “Which ones?”

Parck winced. “Is that _really_ necessary?”

“You reap what you sow, Voss.”

Parck sighed. “Remember the Kuati princess? Well, that was a prince. And while we indeed played a game of strip sabbac in Tekshar Falls Casino, it was I who had lost.”

Niriz gaped. “You’re kidding.”

“For once, I’m telling the truth.” Parck lowered his gaze, clearly embarrassed. “Now, is that enough, or is it your intention to rob me of the last remainder of my dignity, _Captain_?”

Niriz narrowed his eyes.

“I should, _Commander,_ ” Niriz said coldly at the insubordination. “But I won’t. Like I said, I couldn’t care less.” He scoffed. “I’ll speak to the pale blue wonder and try to explain the regs to him in detail and dissuade him from mentioning you to Admiral Thrawn...”

Parck’s face cringed. “Oh, don’t bother. I told him myself after I’d been visited by a pair of COMPNOR operatives on my way back from a gay bar in the Coruscant’s Underworld. Those buggers used it to blackmail me into providing them with information about the only alien in the Imperial Navy.”

Parck’s expression hardened.

“Naturally, I told them everything, which wasn’t much since Admiral Thrawn had never mentioned anything personal about himself or about his life before I found him on the backwater world. They let me go, but they made themselves corusca clear that they expected my full cooperation on the matter. And so I went and informed Captain Thrawn, confessing to everything. Including as to where they’d found me.”

Niriz raised his eyebrows. “Oh dear. What did he say?”

Parck shrugged again. “He remained silent for what had seemed like an eternity at that time, and then he told me that I made the correct decision.” His lips marred in an evil smirk. “And we’ve been pulling COMPNOR’s leg ever since, feeding them with fabricated lies.”

Niriz returned the man’s smirk with one of his own. “I don’t think there are many people who can say they trolled COMPNOR and lived to tell the tale. Still, he, uh, he didn’t mention anything about...”

Parck barked out a sharp laugh. “Oh, he did. He asked what a gay bar is, being unfamiliar with the concept himself.”

Niriz snickered. “Commander Stent and his warriors may swing both ways, but Admiral Thrawn is happily married to his art.”

Parck rolled his eyes. “He is, isn’t he? Admiral Thrawn and Commander Stent couldn’t possibly be more different. At least the pale blue wonder listens to him, though.” He snorted. “You’ve come up with a nice nickname for Commander Stent, by the way.”

Niriz rewarded him with a lopsided grin. “He won’t get rid of it for a _long_ time.”

Parck’s expression softened. Finally, he looked a bit relieved, but he was still light years from being comfortable around Niriz after that revelation. His eyes flickered down to the state of his uniform jacket and then back to Niriz, silently begging him to release him from the ordeal.

“Dismissed. And no more lies from now on, _Commander_ , or I’ll dishonorably discharge you to that rock where you stumbled upon Admiral Thrawn.”

 

**THE END(?)**

 

Author’s Note: Yeah, basically, I’ve flipped everything XD. And something tells me that in this verse, Thrawn _is_ an ensign. Imagine his reaction when he comes back…

Regulation 615-360 is a reference to 1944 US Army directive that called for homosexuals to be committed to military hospitals, examined by psychiatrists, and discharged under Regulation 615-360, section 8 as "unfit for service". Prior to that directive, service members found to be homosexual or to have engaged in homosexual conduct were to be court-martialed for sodomy, imprisoned and dishonorably discharged.

See also: [ Blue Discharge ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_discharge) , [ Section 8 ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Section_8_\(military\)) , [ Sexual Orientation and Military Service](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_orientation_and_gender_identity_in_military_service).

 

** Please do not link to this fic (or reblog!) publicly on tumblr, twitter or other social media sites, thank you. It's like an avalanche that cannot be stopped.  
**


End file.
